Sunday, December 07, 2008

Kindness at its worst...

I've recently learned - no matter how much you wish better for someone... you can't induce positive change in another person's life. For success, there must be a genuine reception, invitation, or acceptance of assistance. Any attempt to provide unwelcome assistance, beyond an offer or a suggestion, will be futile and only make things worse.

Whether the receiver is unable or unwilling to accept help or energy - there are forces keeping the would-be recipient in an unfortunate position. Perhaps the person is precisely where he/she/ze would like.

If you have offered assistance or made suggestions and neither is welcome (or it becomes unwanted should it have already been helpful at one point), then your time is better spent on yourself. If this sounds like you, I encourage you to give your energy to yourself - deconstruct your desire to unabashedly give. A person cannot be assisted if the help is unwelcome. Don't feel guilty or bad if your assistance is rejected.

The inevitable result of attempting to force the situation is a destruction of trust and discomfort for everyone... and the unfortunate likelihood is that everyone involved will be misrepresented and there will be a long, inevitable, painful goodbye.

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